i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
