im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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