Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
