there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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