u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
