Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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