3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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