Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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