if only i could text you this smell
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Randomize
