soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
