I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
