The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize