I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
