Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
