I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
