4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
