Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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