And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Found your dick twin last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
