Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
