Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
