I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
