A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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