So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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