i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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