I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
