At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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