Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
