Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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