There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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