I have demons in me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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