He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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