My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
