It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
