I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
