Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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