Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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