Kiss
Puke
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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