The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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