im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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