You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
where are my eyebrows?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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