were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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