i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
