im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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