wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
