So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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