Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
