I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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