The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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