Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
