you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
