I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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