I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
