just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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