when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize