I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
