Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
