What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
