It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
