I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
