i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
