just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
