In America we eat man semen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
