i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
