Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
