Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Holy shit dude........stairs
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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