I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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