do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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