All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
