I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she pinky promised me she was 18
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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