Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
