The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
