i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
