If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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